3 Reasons Why You Haven’t Found/Pursued Your Purpose Yet and What You Can do about it

finding your purpose

If you haven’t found or pursued your purpose yet, I’ve a good news and a bad news for you.

The good news is that you will know how to find your purpose at the end of this article. The bad news is that it will actually require both work and focus.

Everybody has a calling in life and your job in life is to figure that out. That’s a job.”

Oprah Winfrey

I remember when I was in high school I had absolutely no idea of what I wanted to do in life. I didn’t know what job I wanted to do, what career I would pursue and to be honest I didn’t give much thought about it. My main focuses  at that time were video games, friends and girls.

It’s only 3 months after getting to college that I realized how lost I was and how frustrating it was to not know my calling.

Every morning I remember waking up and systematically wondering what I wanted to do with my life.

Every single day I asked myself the same questions over and over again without getting any clear answer. It was as if my life was meaningless.

Today things have changed. I’ve identified what my purpose in life is. I now know what I am passionate about, what my future is going to be, what fulfills me…I feel more in control than ever.

But getting there hasn’t been easy.

As I learned from this experience, I want to show you how you too can find your purpose. But first let me give you the reasons why you haven’t found or pursued it yet.

#1 Reason: You are not looking in the details

For some people, their purpose is obvious.

I remember when I was 7 years old I had a friend who dreamed of becoming a farmer. He helped his father at his farm and figured out very early that, this is what he wanted to do in life. He never had to wonder what his purpose was. He just knew it. Today he has his own farm and is happier than ever!

For others finding their calling is not so obvious and requires looking into the details.

I strongly believe that life give us some kind of signals to help us find our direction. Unfortunately we almost never pay attention to them. We just go on with our life even if we know this isn’t right for us.

That’s exactly what happened to me during my first year of college.

I chose to study the languages major.  I noticed very soon that I hated this major but I kept telling myself:

Work harder! You don’t like it now but if you study seriously you will be more knowledgeable and will probably like it in the future. You could even work as a translator…

I bullshited myself for one year during which the following signals were constantly indicating me that this wasn’t my calling:

  • I sucked at translating texts and had much better grade in economics
  • Many people kept unintentionally mentioning a business school that was located in the same campus than the one I studied in
  • A little voice in my head was telling me almost every day that this wasn’t for me, that I wasn’t meant for this major
  • I doubted myself a lot, which doesn’t happen when you pursue your purpose

At one point this situation became insupportable. I couldn’t live that way anymore. I had to find my calling.

It’s only then that I started paying attention to all these little details and signals that helped me find my purpose in life.

I think that one of the reasons why you haven’t found your purpose yet is because you haven’t paid attention to the little signals that life has been giving you.

Your calling doesn’t necessarily have to be a big thing. Sometimes the smallest things are the ones that impact our life the most.

#2 Reason: You don’t dare to shine living the life you are meant for

There is a dark phenomenon in our society. Every time we do things that show that we are going towards light, people become frightened and crush us or tell us we can’t do it. Because of that we tend to conform ourselves.


  • You: I want to be a writer/photographer/artist
  • People’s answer: Are you sure? You can’t really make a living from it you know
  • You: I want to be a doctor
  • People’s answer: I know a doctor who told me that it was hard to become one.
  • You: I want to travel the world and meet new people
  • People’s answer: Yeah right! Stop dreaming. Where are you going to find the money?

As we listen to what people tell us, we think:

“Maybe they are right, maybe I’m not meant for that…I should probably do a career in finance, or be a lawyer…”

As we don’t feel supported we decide to study in a college that’s not right for us, pursing a career we don’t like…

Our purpose was obvious, we knew exactly what it was but because people told us it wasn’t right for us we chose something completely different.

In 1951, Salomon Asch of Swarthmore College did a very interesting study about conformity and how people tended to make the wrong choices in social situation.

The study basically showed that human beings could deny the most obvious things just to conform to society.

The Asch study perfectly explains why some people don’t live their purpose. It’s not that they haven’t found it, it’s that living it would be uncomfortable so they choose conformity over what they are really meant for.

#3 Reason: You let your lack of knowledge and resources get in your way

Sometimes we know what our purpose in life is but as we lack of knowledge or resources, we end up thinking that this is not the purpose we are meant for.

The typical case is when someone wants to create his/her own company but doesn’t have the capital and doesn’t know how to create and run it.

That person knows deep down that starting his own company would be fulfilling, that he could finally create things as he wants and live according to his own rule. He feels that this is his calling and yet he doesn’t pursue it because he let his lack of knowledge and resources get in his way.

As he thinks it’s impossible he comes to the conclusion that this mustn’t be his purpose.

Don’t let your lack of knowledge and resources get in your way.

Most of the time your calling will require new knowledge and skills and if you want to live a fulfilling life you will need to develop them.


Now that you know the 3 reasons why you haven’t found or pursued your purpose yet, let’s see what you can do about it.

Ask yourself the good questions

A good way to find your calling is to explore your web like Tony Robbins says.

Most answers are already there, you just need to ask the good questions to uncover your calling.

For example:

  • What would you do if you knew you would die within 3 months?
  • What would you do if fear was inexistent?
  • What if money was no object?

When you think about it for a long period of time, you will start getting the answers you have been looking for. You will realize that you always knew what your purpose was and that what prevented you from living it for so long was only fear.

Look into the details

As I mentioned it before, I believe that life gives us signals to help us find our way and if you want to see them you have to look into details. It’s very subtle.

It can be for example small things you think about repetitively or things you think you should do.

Try to pay attention to these little things that keeps coming into your life because if something keeps coming, it probably means that it’s important.


Shop around

Knowing what you don’t want to do in life is an excellent way to define your purpose.

I remember when I did my first internship, I worked for a multinational company. At that time I thought that working for big names would look great on my CV. I quickly realized that I was not meant for this work environment.

In most multinational companies, everything is standardized and very often there is no room for creating or expressing yourself. I found it so frustrating! But that frustration helped me figure out that I wasn’t meant to be an employee but an entrepreneur.

Your experience and your errors will help you figure out what you want to do with your life. If you currently have a job you hate that’s great! It means you know what you don’t like, which will help you find your calling down the road.

Go through Spring and live your purpose

Once you figured out what your purpose is, you need to go through what I call your Spring.

how to find your purpose

If you are in winter you can’t directly be in summer, you need to go through spring.

What’s great about spring is that nature comes alive again. The grass and flowers grow back, days get longer…

When you want to live your purpose you have to go through the same process.

Very often when people find their calling, they think that they need to drop everything, their job, their studies to fully devote themselves to what they are meant for.

It doesn’t work that way.

You will almost always have to go through a period – Your Spring – during which you will have to grow by acquiring new knowledge, new skills and by probably getting more resources and developing your network.

This transition requires time.

You can’t pursue your purpose without changing what’s in your head.

So here is what you have to do to go through Spring and live your purpose:

Get the knowledge you need to live your purpose

Read books, watch videos, attend seminars…try to learn as much as you can everyday.

Get the resources

For some purpose, you will need resources. For example if you want to create a company or if you think that you can’t make a living from your calling getting some resources is necessary.

To get that capital you can save money, crowd fund, freelance, take a part time job, invest…

You will need to sacrifice a few months or years to make more money so that you can then invest it in your company or live off your saving and/or investments if you think you can’t make a living from your life purpose.

Now I want hear from you! Do you know what your purpose in life is? Are you still looking for it? Let me know in the comments below! (I will read and answer them)

Simon Cave

24 comments… add one
  • Ahamdi September 10, 2014, 6:41 pm

    Hi Simon,

    Wonderful post! I believe my purpose in life is to be an entrepreneur and independent from the employed labor market and I’m definitely going through my Spring. My Spring is involving saving money, acquiring knowledge, and honing my skills for the long haul. Over the years I’ve learned a lot of software and my courage has increased. It’s like gathering bundles of wood for a great fire. I also believe one should involve others (outsource work) where a skill is lacking or time to do certain tasks is not at one’s disposal. Fiverr and some other sites can be a starting point to get going. I love the statement in the article “It doesn’t work that way”, in reference to the idea of “bolting away” from one’s day job or some business a person is doing temporarily to keep body and soul together. Thanks for the wise perspective.

    I’ve saved this post for reference. Thanks for a good job!

    • The Becomer September 10, 2014, 6:52 pm

      Thanks for your comment Ahamdi! Outsourcing is definitely required for certain things. I am glad to see that you already know what your purpose in life is!

  • roman September 10, 2014, 7:37 pm

    I know, your website is my signal )) Thank you for all

  • Rudiano September 10, 2014, 10:13 pm

    Yet another great post! I like the “Spring” concept… Being creative has always been my calling. First and foremost in the form of music, but also through dance, drawing, writing…I’m multi passionate! Which is why the entrepreneur way seems a better fit for me. I need freedom to express myself, just like you!

    P.S: for some reason the Asch study video plays in slow motion. The Brendon Burchard one plays fine though…

    • The Becomer September 11, 2014, 6:13 pm

      You seem to be a serial entrepreneur Rudiano

  • Joe November 13, 2014, 10:35 am

    What an awesome post! I especially love that comparison to the seasons. It’s so easy for us to be frustrated by the fact we are mired in “winter” in our lives. All we pine for is to go straight to summer. Spring is that time where you start to see the buds but you have to clean up the mess winter left behind before you can enjoy summer.

  • korode dayo November 24, 2014, 7:26 pm

    Love your post and I wud love to invite u to write a significant post like this on my blog.I hope d internet revenue part is real.love to hear frm u.

  • steeve Chery December 19, 2014, 10:52 pm

    This article really hit the spot. Thank you. I found that my main issue use to be that I would go to everyone else for advice on the visions that God blessed me with rather then go to the source that supplied the vision with is God. But not anymore. I look to him for all questions and answers

  • Billisrael Bassey November 16, 2015, 7:30 pm

    This is below belt punch, its quite mind blowing. I am happy at what I am doing but once in a while I feel I should be higher than that at it.

    • The Becomer November 19, 2015, 8:14 am

      Thank you for your comment Billisrael. There is always room for improvement

  • Rallie March 8, 2016, 8:22 pm

    Dear Brendon, Thank you so much for your wise and warm words. I was on my computer today browsing “How to find your purpose” and your site popped up! I was so impressed with the fact that you are Encouraging people to actually find who they are and to pursue their dreams. Many sites on I went before stopping at your discourage all of these. Anyway, I wanted to Thank You and I also wanted a bit more help on how I can find my purpose. Do you recommend and sites, tests, people I can actually speak to that will guide me into that? Thanks!
    Warm Regards,

  • Vanessa September 13, 2016, 9:10 pm

    Thanks a lot! I’ve always enjoyed talking in front of people and make them laugh. I’m good at impressions and I enjoy languages. I daydream about performing in front of people. Sometimes I think I’d be an awesome actress in musicals. I used to act in plays but I don’t anymore because I have a “serious” job now in an office. I can read people very well and know how to make everybody feel included in a group. At work I use to be given more responsibility quickly because I’m disciplined and try to improve everything. People tell me I should teach but ironically I have a fear of being rejected by people.
    I don’t really know what to do with all of this. Jobs that interest me are interpreter, actor, pastor, reporter… I don’t really know how to proceed because some of these professions interest me quite evenly.
    Any suggestions?

  • George January 28, 2017, 8:40 pm

    At the age of 35, I have still not found my purpose. This article to me still did not explain well enough, on how to listen for the small things in my life.

    I did start a marketing business, thinking I hate being an employee, and even that is going down the toilet. The longest I can stay employed for is three months. I have had my business for almost a year, yet can not get any clients.

    I really do struggle with my life, and to think about it, I always have done. I never knew what I wanted to be when I left school, and I have always gone job to job, every 2-3 months.

    I am totally lost, I am starting to think I should not even be alive, and people think I am just depressed. However, I just think I need to find my purpose, and I am finding it extremely difficult to find my path. Please help?! Please?

    • Kesten May 13, 2017, 9:04 pm

      Checkout Napoleon Hill’s Outwitting the Devil Audiobook‎.

  • Moises February 11, 2017, 12:29 pm

    I have all these great ideas and inventions that come at me out of this world at night but I don’t no were to start can u gide me in the right path were to start you have a Magnificent day every day tank u 💫

  • Moises February 11, 2017, 7:25 pm

    Hello I have all these Great ideas and inventions that come storming into me night and day but I don’t know how to put it out there one of my invention is to create a child car seat with small built-in fans for the children will not be sweating when you get them out I have many others but I do not know how to put myself out there could you guide me please thank you and have a magnificent day every day Sincerely moises

    • Ingrid November 16, 2017, 10:12 pm

      That is so cool. Don’t even think too much about how to get there. Just do something about it right now, even if it starts with researching first about the business of getting your ideas out there. Research is key. It gives you confidence.

  • Helen September 26, 2017, 2:31 am

    Thanks for this,it really has me thinking, I’m 36 been a health aide for 12 years, I don’t feel challenged I’m very bored and the pay is mediocre , thing is, I don’t want to be a nurse, and have no idea what I want to do😒

  • Ingrid November 16, 2017, 10:10 pm

    Discouraging “advice” is helpful because it makes us conscious of what to look for when trying to reach our passions in life. For example, one professional mentor told me she would not give me a scholarship and seem to wouldn’t want to hire me for any job because I have no proof of stability in my life.

    She said the world will be critical in that manner and see only what my resume has to say. She said that at age 27, it seems stupid that I have not yet found what I am passionate about! Yup. That mentor is right on and very harsh. I felt discouraged but then realized that because I know that, I can be aware of how I present myself before the world. I need to convince the world that I am worthy of what great passions the universe holds for me.

  • Abdul Salam December 14, 2017, 9:26 pm

    I really enjoyed reading your article. Sage advise.

    Since graduating with a degree in Economics 20 years ago I have been drifting from job to jobs that I hated.

    Currently I’m a self-employed executive chauffeur I’m London. I know I’m just not an office person nor the corporate type.

    Yet for neigh on 15 years or so I repeatedly kept doing dull accounting jobs that I loathed. Contracted and never in one place for too long. I was depressed but never could figure out what to do with my life.

    I started running marathons, then got into climbing mountains. I went all broke and am still in debt after 6 years having climbed Mount Everest in 2011- I did not summit but got to 8510m on summit day (just 338m shy of the top of the world at 8848m).

    In my current work the money isn’t great but I’m outdoors, I meet people from all walks and stations of life and from the world over.

    Yet I still don’t know what to do. I feel I should have qualified as an accountant (I hate the thought). Now I’m thinking at 42 whether I should do a graduate law conversion course and train up as a lawyer! I know it seems ridiculous but I feel totally useless yet I have reservations as to why I fill so unfulfilled and going back to self-flagellation

    I want to do something where I can be of use to people and society. Politics has always interested me but I’m not a career politician type either. I am a non-conformist and don’t fit into any easy categories. Entrepreneurlism appeals to me as I’m creative but don’t know what or where to start. I feel like a lost soul!


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